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About Varied / Hobbyist Candi-Rhodes18/Female/United States Recent Activity
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  • Mood: Miserable
  • Listening to: in color by Jamey johnson
  • Reading: 99 days
Oh my fucking god! I am done!

Ever since I've been home I've had to do nothing but clean this fucking house in live in and spendaybe what little time before I fall asleep playing a videogame. In comes my dad upset again telling me that I need to be a normal human being now by going to bed before 10 shower and everything done and that I have to have the whole fucking house clean tomorrow before he gets home like what the fuck have I been doing for the past 3 days??? He expects me to be awake at 8 in the morning and being working on having the whole damned place spotless then be in bed before 10 again. Like if I'm doing that how am I supposed to be trying to find a job and to move out. How am I supposed to learn responsibility for myself if I don't have enough hours in the day to get everything the fuck done???

I mean seriously besides college classes and just getting back from a reunion where I spent 8 fucking hours in a car just to come back to "their" house and be expected to be able to do anything....

I probably make no sense but its just I'm exhausted if I can't get in clean during the day I'm spending my time at night trying to get it done while trying to enjoy the supposed "summer " I am apparently "allowed". If I was really allowed to enjoy just one summer why couldn't been trying to catch up on sleep play a game talk to friends without worrying about my only connection to talk to my friends is literally threatened.... I just wish I could get away from it all be free I want my freedom I want to be able to feel like I don't have to worry about what people think of me... Even with you guys I'm just a scared young lady who is afraid that if I say something wrong my own appearance or something will make y'all not like me or hate me or any of that I don't want to lose any of you guys so I guess this is good night I don't want to lose any contact with you guys.

I love you guys too much :cries:

Stay sweet y'all and sleep well

Candi :heart:
  • Mood: Miserable
  • Listening to: in color by Jamey johnson
  • Reading: 99 days
I am so done...

Why should I even give a fuck anymore?

I'm never going to get out of the fucking town i live in...

I'm trapped in this damned down in thus damned house that I can't call a home because I don't feel happy there I don't feel loved there I don't feel protected....

I just want to give up so badly what's the point in fighting to get away when every time I try I'm treated like I don't know what I'm talking about like I'm 3 years old all over again.

Seriously I'm 18 and I'm seriously still not allowed to even leave the house without texting my goddamned parents... I mean I understand while I "live under their roof" I have to follow "their rules" but holy hell how can I do anything when all I do is stay home and clean the damned house all day.

I'm just I'm done. I'm 18 I should get to have a part time job, have fun with my friends if I feel like (which is never actually most of my IRL friends either work or want nothing to do with me and I prefer my internet friends anyways), I'm still getting grounded for dumb shit.

Hell my room is a mess I'll admit it but I have no place to put anything my parents gave me the smallest fucking bedroom in the house because they didn't want to put cable in the bedroom that I would've had room to do things in. I mean literally I had books upon books that had no place to go because there wasn't a bookshelf in my room and the bookshelf that my grandmother gave me is in the living room filled with all my mother's books that are just smut that's all they are.

When do I get to be my own person?

I want to be an individual... But at the same time I'm scared to leave I was never taught how to handle the real world I was never taught what a "healthy relationship" is like hell the relationship between my mom and dad isn't a healthy one...

They never talk and when they do its yelling then it gets taken out on me and I just causes me to think all thus was my fault...

I feel like its my fault I wonder how much better the world would be if I had never existed if I had never been born...

:cries: I bet there are a lot of people who wish had never met me I'm a freak... :cries:

There is so much I could say that's going on but I'm just done trying to get away I was damned by being in this family... Its been total hell... I feel alone, insecure, miserable, desperate for a way out, I feel useless pathetic like I haven't done anything..

All I ever wanted was to make people smile because I don't want anyone else to know pain or sadness but I just had enough of life deciding to make things worse when I think I might actually be happy talking to my best friend, playing with my dogs and just getting to try and be stress free

Hopefully y'alls days have been better than mine. I mean it hasn't been completely terrible it just went to shit when my parents came home and started fighting and insulting me and how I try to help around the house...

But anyways y'all keep smiling everyone needs a good smile no matter how difficult the times can be, and I'll do my best to try and find my smile again because I love you guys

Stay sweet y'all

Candi :heart:
  • Mood: Sadness
Just four more hours of peace before heading home to see my parents they are the devil...

I'm sick of them and their bullshit.

*sighs*
Just finished up another reunion with family in Texas about to go home tomorrow morning I'm so tired

Got some neat stuff while I was there and some new hair and body products to try and two new swimsuits!

Thanks to a really good friend that is just the best I've started to do some exercise.

I feel so relieved that I've graduated and don't have to worry about damned bastards that decide to play pussy as a bully.

Pardon my language but that's how I feel about bullies

Stay sweet y'all

Candi :heart:
  • Mood: Scared
12 and a half hours til graduation!

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Candi-Rhodes's Profile Picture
Candi-Rhodes

Artist | Hobbyist | Varied
United States
My kohai and little sister :iconunease-el-zorro:
My other little sister is :iconlezahbite:
My twin is :iconkourage215:
My other twin sister/editor is :icontsubaki-rhodes:
My awesome senpai:iconkayaba-wolf:
My good friends :iconhuntersrose::iconsmokeydan13::iconrisejackfrost::iconderp81:
my Older sister and other awesome senpai is :iconyumiuzumaki28:
my quotev account: www.quotev.com/CandiRhodes
my fanfiction account name: Candi-Rhodes
my Tumblr: candi-rhodes.tumblr.com
instagram: instagram.com/candirhodes342
TheToxicDoctor FAN BUTTON! by TheToxicDoctor FuzzyFangirls! by TheToxicDoctor
Interests
  • Mood: Miserable
  • Listening to: in color by Jamey johnson
  • Reading: 99 days
Oh my fucking god! I am done!

Ever since I've been home I've had to do nothing but clean this fucking house in live in and spendaybe what little time before I fall asleep playing a videogame. In comes my dad upset again telling me that I need to be a normal human being now by going to bed before 10 shower and everything done and that I have to have the whole fucking house clean tomorrow before he gets home like what the fuck have I been doing for the past 3 days??? He expects me to be awake at 8 in the morning and being working on having the whole damned place spotless then be in bed before 10 again. Like if I'm doing that how am I supposed to be trying to find a job and to move out. How am I supposed to learn responsibility for myself if I don't have enough hours in the day to get everything the fuck done???

I mean seriously besides college classes and just getting back from a reunion where I spent 8 fucking hours in a car just to come back to "their" house and be expected to be able to do anything....

I probably make no sense but its just I'm exhausted if I can't get in clean during the day I'm spending my time at night trying to get it done while trying to enjoy the supposed "summer " I am apparently "allowed". If I was really allowed to enjoy just one summer why couldn't been trying to catch up on sleep play a game talk to friends without worrying about my only connection to talk to my friends is literally threatened.... I just wish I could get away from it all be free I want my freedom I want to be able to feel like I don't have to worry about what people think of me... Even with you guys I'm just a scared young lady who is afraid that if I say something wrong my own appearance or something will make y'all not like me or hate me or any of that I don't want to lose any of you guys so I guess this is good night I don't want to lose any contact with you guys.

I love you guys too much :cries:

Stay sweet y'all and sleep well

Candi :heart:

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Comments


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:iconwolfartmaster:
wolfartmaster Featured By Owner Apr 25, 2015  Hobbyist Artist
thank u for the watch!
Reply
:iconcandi-rhodes:
Candi-Rhodes Featured By Owner Apr 25, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
No problem friend! :iconyuihugplz:
Reply
:iconspeedyalchemist:
SpeedyAlchemist Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2015  Student Writer
Hello hello hello!!!  This is the huuuuuug patrol and you're long overdue for a hug from Speedy! :giggle:
YOU ARE AWESOME AND VERY LOVED MY BUDDY!!
:icongigglesakuraplz: :iconmoesnuggleplz: :iconyuiglompplz: :iconslowhugplz: :iconrubcheeksplz::iconaawplz: :iconk-hugplz: Yayoi Takatsuki + Mami Futami Emote - Hug Tohru hugs Kisa-chan [V1]
Reply
:iconcandi-rhodes:
Candi-Rhodes Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
:iconsupertighthugplz::iconarmstrongtighthugplz::tighthug: thank you friend!!!!
Reply
:iconspeedyalchemist:
SpeedyAlchemist Featured By Owner Apr 21, 2015  Student Writer
K-On (Frienship Snuggles) [V2]
Reply
:iconcandi-rhodes:
Candi-Rhodes Featured By Owner Apr 21, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
:iconspinhugplz:
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconunifiedheroes:
unifiedheroes Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2015
ooc. (hugs)
i read your journal-- im in school rn on my phone and it freezes when i try to comment on journals. i hope you dont mind me dropping here, i know how it feels to lose a loved one ;;
Reply
:iconcandi-rhodes:
Candi-Rhodes Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
:iconsupertighthugplz: I don't mind at all I'm at school rn too :tighthug:
Reply
:iconsolidmars:
SolidMars Featured By Owner Apr 15, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Wave by chil96
Thank you kindly for the watch. I hope you'll keep enjoying my work as long as I keep on terrorizing dA :giggle:
btw, you're an awesome person. Have a great day :heart:
Reply
:iconcandi-rhodes:
Candi-Rhodes Featured By Owner Apr 15, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh its no problem friend! You're art is amazing and you're awesome as well! Have a great day also!! :iconsupertighthugplz: :iconsupguyplz:
Reply
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